Now

The City is a place of millions of people and perhaps billions of interactions each day. In theory, the result should be an intricate and rich network of social bonds, and yet reality contrasts that greatly. People meet for such brief moments that they package their interactions into tiny parcels and sail them off to sea. A pleasentry here, a shared joke there which in a small city could start a life-long friendship, but in the City, it is a fleeting moment. Do not grieve for that moment or regret that chance to meet a person. Do not seek to find purpose in that tiny fleck of time because those flecks rain down like confetti too often. Only the unwashed pick up the confetti like trash in the alleys.

I've heard among the many classifications there are 2 types of people, those who live in the moment and those who live a lifetime. Well, I teeter on the fence. I will not deny myself an extra 5 minutes of rest or a moment to stop and watch the waves and yet when I am asleep I will dream of a lifetime of achievements and when I look out at the water I will see the regular beats of the wave. I cannot decide whether I am the man who indulges in the moment or the man who builds discipline to acheive a goal. Cruel is life that it does not let you be both.

Now, here in NYC, I see so many moments pass by so empty. I try to fill them but the conveyer belt moves to quickly and my thoughts spill over the edge. I am scattered. Scattered alongside the confetti of moments of time.

As my life becomes more regular and mundane, I feel my discipline waning to somehow compensate.

Grr of the Day...

There is this time reporting software that I needed access to at work. The process to get access is convoluted and unnecessarily complex. After going through it several times and still being denied access, I escalated several requests to various admins. Finally, after about a month, I sent an angry email to the clearly incompetent admin that was still processing my request saying that this my third request and I have CCed my manager so he can also complain. My manager emails everyone back saying he's sorry he didn't submit the request. And I suddenly realized I was the big jerk who was complaining to the admins and he looked bad. In turn, I looked dumb too. Grr!